2010

I cannot believe the new year is coming so fast.

It's exciting but very sad. This year I feel like I accomplished not as much as I should have. I just want to rewind the clock and go back to a year ago and wish i knew then what i know now. I would probably be such a better person but i guess that's what next year is for.

I'm making some resolutions that I hopefully stick with this time around.

1. Go to the gym more.
2. Drink less alcohol.
3. Smoke less pot.
4. Quit smoking cigarettes.
5. Not to be so angry all the time.
6. Do not work so much.
7. Spend more time with my dad.
8. pass all the classes i sign up for with a's.
9. Pray more.
10. Buy a vespa.
11. Pay all my debts off.
12. stop applying for credit cards because they love to screw you.

I really want to make this next year a time for fun but also a time to actually get all my shit together. I need to finish school and make more money at work so i can move out and buy a vespa.

I still remember all the bad and low times of this year and the happy and amazing times too. I feel like the good always out weighs the bad. so its all good. Still keeping my head up and going to make the best out of this year.

btw i hope my new years eve is like this....
i mean i don't think it will be because my boss scheduled me till 8pm. Thanks tony i love working new years eve!!!!



lol. kid cudi is so dope for this video & drake is still pretty hott. lol.

today is a day for making lists

It's crazy i have so much stuff to do before Christmas and all my favorite people are back in town!

Christmas shopping sucks especially when today is my one day off until Christmas day.

ugh. i need to go to the bank and find out how much i have left to spend on my family and i need enough to go out on wednesday with justin and rob and tiff and jay and maybe even alanna.

how my heart behaves

currently listening to: Broken social scene- Lover's Spit



i love you, and you know it.

i know that you're sorry

and i'm sorry i got so angry

i've been so stressed out with Christmas and work

and what i need right now is stability

something i can rely on to always be there

and you know more than anybody how hard i work

and i know you work really hard too

you're a really great daddy and a good man

and you should know how much i do appreciate you

i just need to feel like i am appreciated sometimes

i mean you grow more into the man i need everyday

but those days before we dated you often treated me like shit

and i never really said anything because i didn't think i had to

but now that we are growing together and making plans

i just want to know i'm making plans for my life with someone who really loves me

somebody who is serious about me

the roses were beautiful and they made my day so much better

and i hope you know that at the end of the day you're the only thing that makes sense to me



♥, you know who

mistletoe, eggnog, and santa

Christmas isn't that big of a deal to me anymore. I mean lately, I have been trying to keep my family together and i think that we were always together around Christmas. It didn't matter what any of us was doing we would just drop everything and be together to put our tree up and to buy gifts for each other. It was just such a fun time in my life. It makes me feel sad that now my family can't even help me set up our Christmas tree. We have no lights up, no stockings, no ornaments, nothing. oh well. I just know whenever I do get around to having my own family I will celebrate every Christmas with them, doing the things that I used to do with mine that used to make me happy; That used to make it special.



and any who here's my wish list for xmas.

-a vespa
-vans giftcard
-aldo giftcard
-a camera, film or digital, new or used
-an apartment
-sex and the city dvd box set
-friends dvd box set
-juicy coture purse
-be delicious perfume (red or green or pink)
-a diamond engagement ring


♥

in the dream world...

It's 11:25 and i'm probably going to be late for work but I had to type a dream i just had in here just because it was so intense.

... I was on a beach walking on the shore. It was a beautiful day and the sun was just shining. I was all alone when I met this really beautiful little girl. She looked like she couldn't have been older than like 8 or 9. We had a long talk about our dreams for our lives. She was sitting playing in the sand and I was helping her build a castle. We sat forever and the tide kept coming in until finally it hit our little sand castle. She said it was getting really late and she had to find her daddy. I told her I would go with her but she said she'd be alright. I asked her for her name before she left and she said her name was Lola. And I told her my name was Jessica, and she said it was really nice to meet me.

I don't know why but after that I woke up really happy. I don't know what the hell that dream means, but i really really love that name. And if i ever have a daughter I think I wanna name her lola.


Gotta get to work.

jess

Starting fresh

I think before the new year I need to make a list of goals that i really seriously want to accomplish.

I deleted all my old posts because I want to start fresh.

A new year is starting soon and I really want to better myself.

Today I had a thought, what if I never find anything that i'm good at that i want to keep doing? Everybody I have met has a dream of something they want to do in the future. Even if it is simply unattainable, I think it is amazing that they have such wonderful dreams.

Barrett knows what he wants to do with his t shirt company. He has a vision that is really respectable. I admire all his efforts and all his work ethic. Even if he thinks that he is slackin on it. I know he is going to go further with it. I can just tell how passionate he feels about it. It's not just something that he does on the side. It's something he wants to turn into a career. It's such a good dream. Its so great to me that anybody can have that kind of ambition to do something and actually try hard to follow through with it. I believe he has just the right mindset and the actual artistic talent to really make it happen. And I really hope I'm still around when it does happen. (www.tularehouse.com)

Josh wants to be a band manager of his band Monsters in the city. I really adore how much time and money and effort he puts into this band. Although I do believe they're gonna seriously go big because they have a really good sound and are somewhat poppy (even though i know he would be butt hurt that I say that). Seriously, I think they're gonna be pretty big. Yuppy little boppy girls in high school love that kinda sound. haha. jk. But seriously I saw his books on band management in his car. They're like 200 pages a book. And I know he'll go far with this stuff because he's got the kind of personality that always looks on the bright side. And I feel like people like that can't ever go wrong with what they want to do. (www.myspace.com/monstersinthecity)

Btw, all the guys in monsters in the city have got so much talent its almost intimidating to be around them. Cameron (guitarist) is just such a cool guy that has such good taste in music. Andy (bassist) is just very artistic and has a good eye for photos and such. And mark (drummer) is just an all around great musician and i love his covers and he is definitely gonna go big and make his own album and its gonna be cool when i can say i totally smoked a blunt with that guy. lol. (please don't let my love of marijuana discredit my thoughts in this post)

And last but not least Diana. I believe she is by far the most amazing person I know. She has had so much working against her. Like the KGB. haha. jk. but seriously she is going to go far. I always see it in people like her. She has so much potential to do so good in the world. But she can't use her full potential because her dad likes to hold her back from growing into an adult. I hope she goes far with her photography because damn her pictures were amazing. I really hope she does something serious with that even if it is just on the side. I can tell she has such a good eye for that shit. She is somebody I want to keep in my life and never let fail. I know if I just keep encouraging her to stand up to her dad and to finish school I know it will happen. We continuously have this conversation about finishing school so we can move on with our lives. And I always hear it in her voice that she's going to find herself and move onto do something spectacular. She inspires me to make myself a better person and to not be so serious about everything and I think I do the same for her.

All these people move me and make me want to find a goal to accomplish. So here goes a list of things I want accomplish for 2010:
-find a career that i will stick with that I can actually love.
(I do not want to stick around mimi's cafe forever)
-take at least 4 classes a semester.
-be more healthy and take better care of my body.
-smoke less cigarettes eventually quit.
-pay off credit cards and get rid of old debts. (don't forget I still owe jamie $9)
-pay off school bills.
-find a place of my own to call home.
-make sure i don't disappoint anybody anymore.
-and buy a vespa. haha.

I think that is a bunch of goals that slowly but surely I can finish.

love always...