my path

simms is a guy I think about not so often, but whenever i think about how hard my life is I think about another path it could have taken if I had taken his offer the night was stopped seeing him. about four or five years ago i met a guy that everyone loved. he was smart, funny extremely handsome and I was instinctively drawn to him. he was about six foot Hispanic and white and very easy on the eyes. he was charming and the perfect gentlemen when we met. at the time we met i was going through a phase where i hated men. bear had just broke my heart after we had met and told me he needed his space to try and get back with his ex. i coped with this by binging on beer and smoking as much weed as i could get my hand on. simms became my friend one night when we met at a party out in rockville. a friend of mine from work invited me to party that night. i was a heavy smoker and that night i went out to have a cig and i was outside alone after walking in on people playing beer pong and a drunk girl telling me that we used to be best friends. i felt awkward and outta place and decided that tonight I was going to be the drunk lonely girl. simms came outside and saved me that night from myself. he told me smoking was bad for me and that smoking weed was the only exception. we sat on the porch swing and talked for about an hour after that. we talked about movies that we loved and people we both knew. he told me that I should come inside with him and be social. I knew he was right at the time, and we went in he introduced me to everyone and never let me sit alone the entire night. the next morning after waking up on a couch hungover from way too many tequila shots. I walked into the bathroom to get myself ready and leave. and i saw wooley and stephen passed out on the floor and in the bathtub of their bathroom. i woke them up and asked them if we should get breakfast. they both grunted and i washed my face, and when i walked into the kitchen to grab my purse and head out, there was simms. he had made us breakfast and asked me to stay. i told him i had to go and he would not take no for an answer so i stayed and we had some scrambled eggs and bacon. we were pretty much the only ones awake and we talked for a while and then i left. as i was driving away passed the college and through the cemetery on my way home simms had text me and told me to give him a call when i got home to make sure i made it ok. he had put his name and picture in my phone and i thought it was sweet and not creepy at all. haha. from then on we had a habit of seeing eachother at parties and casual get togethers through mutual friends. he became a great friend to me and taught me to know that i am worth meeting and getting to know. finally we hit a point that changed my life. we had been hanging out alone a few times. and the last time we did he asked me to go with him to a play of the king and i in sac. i thought about it and told him that i had to see a movie with a good friend that same day so maybe we could just hang out before then. we went to the c deli and had two egg salad sandwiches. when we were done eating he told me that i was one of the sweetest girls he had ever met and that he had wanted to kiss me from the time we met, but wanted it to work and not just be a one night kinda deal. i told him to do it. and we kissed. simms was a breathe of fresh air, but i just couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. happiness? love? something. something inside me told me it didn't feel right but he was so excited and happy i just played along with it.in an instance i could see our future. i think it is something weird that girls do. i just thought of endless days of being just okay with the relationship we could have. but if i was just going along with it now, whose to say i wouldn't be doing it for the rest of my life? we went to the beach that some night in sf and went to a bonfire. he held my hand and walked with me away from everyone else and that's when i knew. it didn't feel the way it should have and i needed to stop it now before it hurt really bad. my heart was somewhere else. i told him after we drove back home. and he told me not to feel bad or sad for him and that the man that gets me should hang on tight because he is lucky. i saw bear the next day and we saw a movie together. and i knew that he was who i was supposed to be with. he kissed me and held me with such comfort that i never wanted him to let go. my heart was with him and it has been ever since. the point is that i knew inside me that my gut didn't love simms but i will be forever grateful that he helped me make up my mind. without him i never would know what love really meant to me, i would just be going through the motions with somebody and always thinking in the back of my mind where i would be instead and wondering if it could be better with somebody else. but bear makes me feel like no matter where i am we are bound by something deeper than love. we are soulmates. yes, simms was exciting and sweet and the perfect gentlemen up to the very last moment we were together, but he will never be bear and therefore will never be my destiny. simms is exactly who i needed to meet to understand the path that i would take, i am forever thankful for meeting him and for him to be not an idiotic mistake, but for him to show me what i really needed. i am now a mother and a wife and my life is more full than i ever thought it could be thanks to him. 500 days of summer