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depression de·pres·sion - /dɪˈprɛʃən/ [dih-presh-uhn]
-a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity

synonyms- abasement, abjection, abjectness, blahs, bleakness, blue funk, bummer, cheerlessness, dejection, desolation, desperation, despondency, disconsolation, discouragement, dispiritedness, distress, dole, dolefulness, dolor, downheartedness, dreariness, dullness, dumps, ennui, gloom, gloominess, heaviness of heart, heavyheartedness, hopelessness, lowness, lugubriosity, melancholia, melancholy, misery, mortification, qualm, sadness, sorrow, the blues, trouble, unhappiness, vapors, woefulness, worry

i feel every one of those words. my heart feels heavy and I can't breathe. I don't know how much longer I can keep up with this fake smile.